October was my slowest month since as far as I can remember.
I honestly don’t remember when was the last time I felt that incapable, dark, and unmotivated to do basic stuff. Up to this point I used to believe I have already planted enough seeds to pick me up from any low, and tbh it always worked. Whenever I’m low, I’d normally be back online in a few days. I used to believe that there’s nothing on this earth that a good sense of purpose & community could not help recover from. And I always had those in place so I always thought I’d be fine. Until that month, I was not.
October started with two events I thought were dark:
- Our entire neighborhood was out of running water for 3 days
- My 1-yr old dog got hit by a car (she’s fine)
Few days later, Gaza is being bombed. The reason this is so tragic, especially for our generation, is this may have been the first time for us to be in the loop. We haven’t been put in a place to process an atrocity this severe since we were born as the one being carried out by the Israelis right here & now. We sort of took extreme guarantees that politics is handling itself in the background, that it’s not our job to dig for the truth, or whatever.
I could not absorb that an entire city is living without water for weeks, and that hundreds of fathers are losing their children daily! When a few days earlier, I wasn’t over the fact that water could be out for 3 days, or that I could’ve lost a dog. Time works in strange ways.
During the past few weeks, I found it very alarming how many of my friends, just like me, ignored everything in their lives & work, and sat down to read. Almost all of us knew something was wrong, that something has probably been happening that is bigger than the headlines, but we never cared to dig deeper until now.
Made me think that at least a huge part of my generation didn’t previously know specifics about the Palestinian conflict until now. But not just that, we suddenly found out how deep geopolitics, religions, economics, and technology are implicitly connected!
Never in my life had I been invested in politics. Even when extreme events were taking place. My stance was always firm that lots of things are out of my control, and that my attention better be allocated towards things I can control.
Seeking the truth
This month, things changed, but not only that, I might have actually known more about the history of nations (not just Palestine) during one month than I did my entire life. And to my surprise it answered lots of pending questions. I would always feel uncomfortable when it comes to reading about politics. I would always feel incapable & frustrated, so I was deliberately ignoring it. The current events in Palestine made it impossible to ignore anymore. It made me feel like even if this education adds to my long-lasting frustration, holding the truth might in itself be rewarding.
Since Oct 7th, the #1 challenge for lots of people like me has been how & where to seek the truth. I can vividly see it on everyone, they are as lost as I am. We never actually questioned the headlines – We were used to deal with them, but not question them. We never could’ve known that the truth is SO HARD to get, and that we were actively being manipulated for the length of our lives. From the surface it might seem that headlines about politics are misleading, but wait until you find out how everything is misleading, not just politics. When I look back at how long I have been online: I first logged on the internet 17 years ago, and I have been using fb for 13 years, instagram for 12. Since then, I have been immersed in western pop culture: music, cinema, literature, fashion, cyberculture, and even television.
When you consume creative works by other humans that represent who you are or what you feel, you become addicted – Slowly, these works become part of your identity. Our taste in music, movies, fashion, and art is what SHAPES us. We are all consumers, and we take pride in our tastes. Because we always think we CHOSE them – We think that we were presented a deck full of each and everything, and we paid deliberate attention to form our unique styles through things we consume. Or at least it seems so, from the surface.
On manipulation
It aches me day & night when I see signs everywhere, that maybe, just maybe, I was being programmed to choose that style. Maybe, I wasn't myself all along, maybe the algorithm was so crafted to the point that took every inch of independence from me. That I kept thinking I was independent when I was not. Maybe we are not that unique or different from each other after all, that those subtle differences were carefully planted (coded?) to make us THINK we're independent & different.
The way we witness how opinions & ideas shared through the media are projected on people’s ENTIRE LIVES is scary. People don’t just back ideas they see online, people BECOME these ideas. Someone reads online through the works of propaganda that there’s a conflict ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET, takes one side of the conflict, BECOMES this side, and goes on to KILL a child that happens to be on the other side, in a totally unrelated context, and totally separate part of the world.
It makes you think, how many times, we BECAME what we saw, or heard, or read? How many times the algorithm made it so that we projected some screen pixels on our actual lives? And mind you, it doesn’t have to be a war, I’m also talking about times of peace. How many times were I made subconsciously choose something and stick with it?
Times like these prove that the algorithm is bad, but what do we have to do about it? Which individual or business can afford to opt out? Let’s say we’re going to coordinate a movement, and we’re going to call it “StartWokeness” – Our first order of business is to deny LGBTQ+, immediately stop using meta apps, get back to using Nokia phones, no bitcoins, no digital currencies, and no electric vehicles – Now question is: FOR HOW LONG? – For how long would we be able to resist the norm, and push against the current? Because it seems that the current is not stopping any time soon, so what do we have to do about it 15 years from now?
It seems that StartWokeness would fail miserably. It seems that we have no way out, but now the question becomes: Are we completely doomed? Or are we partially doomed? I think the answer lies in our ability to hit critical mass. We don’t have to make it a mission to beat the algorithm, but if we could wake enough, just enough people, that critical mass can make some serious damage to the entire system.
Open-ended questions
When I look back at some of the things I wrote in my notes during the past 5 years or so, I found that many times I’d call out my frustration of things I didn’t yet understand. I was always feeling a discomfort that the deepest truths are hidden. And it was not just me, there seems to be a consensus of unsettlement around many topics – Lots of people are feeling the same discomfort towards topics like: Schools, Sugar, News, Sports, Media, Hiphop, Genders, Pandemics, Drugs, and the list goes on.
For example at some point I didn’t quite understand how COVID happened? What are the chances of this being an act of coincidence in a random lab? And how was the world so prepared to deal with it on that timely note for it to end as an emergency in under 18 months? Everything seemed so organized & taken care of, for such a coincidental outbreak! How is it okay for us to swallow it?
I think one of the worst days in my life was the day I got the Pfizer vaccine. I went to take the first shot because I needed a paper to travel, then I spent the night in an internet rabbit hole, I almost entered panic mode. After I read the news, I felt I was a fool. It was May 2022 and I had been so detached from the news, but for some reason I started to look into it on that night. The vaccine didn’t cause any physical discomfort for me over the next few days as opposed to what has been reported by some people, but I think I got into panic mode just from reading the news, it made me uncomfortable and it was so big I kept yapping about it for over a week. I remember at some point father told me that even if there was something suspicious about it, all of my family, and almost everyone I know, everyone that matters, has already taken the vaccine at this point, so it doesn’t really matter. I don’t know why this was comforting. I kept away from talking about it online anymore, I faked the 2nd shot to be able to travel, and that was a wrap.
How is it okay for someone to emerge out of no where and “identify” as whatever they like? What does it mean “identify”? And if so, why can’t a terrorist “identify” as a peacemaker? If anyone is supposed to take a male who identifies as a female at their word, what does it take to prevent anyone from identifying as anything? How is it possible that schools are pushing more children under the age of 10 to make-believe they’re not their gender?
How is it okay that, sugar, which is the #1 poison, normalized in food among children age groups? Cereals? Those poor children who can’t choose anything, how is it okay for their parents to mess with their hormones at such young age? How is it okay for corporations to exploit common illiteracy for money & advertise food with ingredients that they know quite well were once prohibited? And how is this sugar-poisoned packaged food actively being produced? What kind of evil is that?
How is it okay that the algorithms have grown much more powerful to know more about our lives & tastes than what we might already know of? And if this is the case today, where is this going? I mean I can’t unsee the fact that people who spend extensive hours scrolling on their phones are fulfilling on that dark part we see in shows of the dystopian future – Black Mirror, West World, etc.
Reality Hit – A Battle between Good & Evil
All of the discussed points above were just open loops in my mind, I continued to have them, but also continued to ignore politics, so I never had the answers I wished I had. But something was off, and this feeling of discomfort continued to intensify throughout 2023, particularly late at night when I’m all alone by myself, or when I’m standing in the middle of the mall where life & people seem so fast, but also so wrong. My brain is often caught in that time lapse background effect.
Suddenly, and overnight, education became an emergency. During October, I abruptly spent tens of hours getting educated about geopolitics. All of a sudden everything seemed so clear. Everything was there, I just didn’t previously dig enough. And it’s no surprise that all of these open-ended questions are connected, to each other, and to the root of all evil.
A relatable comment I read on Instagram when someone was asking about the new world order, said: “I can tell you but it will fuck up your entire year”. I feel this was exactly the state I was left in for weeks. Something I previously noticed, is that people who knew about the new world order, didn’t actually stop talking about the new world order. They saw it in everything; how governments operate, and how we’re being actively manipulated. Quite paradoxical how governments were invented to prevent people from killing each other over resources yet end up being the very ones inducing all types of chaos for the same reason. It might appear that corruption is an outlier behavior, but turns it’s actually the mainstream. Turns it’s quite rare for someone in power not to be corrupt in contrary to popular belief, I presume. I think it’s not a matter of naivety but common sense; “we vote for these people” you might think. I knew NWO existed but I didn’t care to know more about it.
It’s normally intuitive to imagine the limits behind the motives of someone who’s good, but impossible to grasp the limits of evil. Evil can not be fully intuited, or absorbed. No amount of “truth” can put evil in context. That’s what I’ve come to believe in. In fact I don’t buy the label “conspiracy theory” behind lots of conspiracies. If anything I believe lots of them are straight out facts, labelled as conspiracies to keep them in the vague. A “conspiracy” label implies “complicated”, which makes sense for lots of crazy theories, but is also an absurd condensation to lots of real-life facts that we are living through everyday.
From someone who never cared about anything besides Science & Tech, it’s a whole new land, here’s how this unfolds:
- Learning about history: Events, wars, revolutions
- Learning about politics: Land & resources, interests & conflicts
- Learning about governments: Political parties & alliances, media & mind control
- Learning about money: Banks, corporations, power & greed
- Learning about the spiritual battle on Earth between Good & Evil
Turns that when you care to know, it’s naturally a never ending rabbit hole. So I extend on this in a series of articles, called “The Great Unplugging” – I was always red-pill team, but I’d understand if you’re not. So in case you’re ready to dive a little deeper, here’s the first edition.
This here is my best effort to stay sane, some of this stuff is new to me. And I don’t write about it out of a need to convince people, I write about it because I won’t be able to proceed with normal life if I don’t. I firmly believe, that with this data in context, everything is so different, priorities are different, even needs are different. I don’t believe that we are going to be the generation that suffers deeply from the implications of a dystopian society, but rather we’re going to be the last one not to. With all of the above, I still see light, I just see it differently from what I used to.