A few months ago I joined Antler in Dubai, one of the biggest startup vc/accelerator programs in the world. I was supposed to go back home with $180,000 but I didn't. It wasn't the first thing I fail at, and probably not the last. But this time was different, it had its own toll; a mix of anger, frustration, and loss.
The program was one of the few times I've had to put my theses to the test. The whole thing was a stress-testing environment where you get to talk to as many people as possible and validate your ideas in the process. It was one of the very first times it all felt 'real' for me.
For long I've been reading stories of other people building cool things from scratch, and this is my first year to feel in the arena. It's a strange feeling because even though success is not guaranteed, I’d rather lose in the arena than be off of it.
I always read that you only fail when you decide you quit - Thus failure is not an outcome but a state. It's a decision you make. On one day you feel you can do anything, on another you second-guess yourself and everything around you; failure is the result of your reaction to that bad day.
One thing these programs teach is to constantly become in 'sales' mode - Whether they're a potential client, co-worker, or investor, you're constantly selling something; your personal story, your product, your vision, or all of them. On every micro-interaction you’d be pushing strangers to potentially join your mission.
My calendar was running for 12 hours everyday. If there's someone I could have reached out to, I already did - Those were essentially 10 weeks worth of pressure and my goal was to leave no stones unturned. I learned a lot, but the main objective of the program was the money, which I didn’t get.
On the upside I feel I’m a completely new version of myself, one that’s so different from start of this year. I also took some time to reflect on the experience, and rework a plan for me and the team to build momentum back before the end of the year. However, in this process I was reminded by a few or more lessons that I now shall never forget.
01. Don't work solo
I believe this should be applicable for any type of business, not just tech. One of the mistakes I underestimated when I started was me being a solo founder - For months I was doing everything on my own and I didn't feel it was necessary to onboard a co-founder, and I was mistaken. The amount of work needed to pull something into existence is astronomical - Effort involved is probably more than that you’d estimate in any business plan you’d put at the start. Thankfully I recently reconnected with my friend who is a sales expert; and he joined me as co-founder. Now things are much easier and more aligned; this should be the only way to start a startup.
02. Your anxiety is primarily caused by you constantly living in the past or in the future
Points #2 & 3 are closely related. It’s not easy to spend lots of time overthinking everything then recover to find it was just all you. Chances are things are probably not as bad as you might think. But we become prisoners of our own ‘what ifs.’
03. Your experience is really the story you tell yourself
Most events are neutral - The story you attach to it determines if it was good or bad. This means that it's really you versus your mind. It's on you to forever remember a trip as a good memory or a bad memory, decide whether you're suffering or you're learning, decide whether you should stop or redirect, and probably much more.
04. Don't negotiate with anyone unless you're completely ready to leave
At one point, I was having an ongoing talk with an investment partner from Antler MENA, she would tell me to book her calendar then proceed to not show up on 3 consecutive meeting occasions. I won’t ever forget this. The amount of disrespect I got from her just because she sensed we wanted this and weren’t ready to throw off the deal was insane - She proceeded to talk to other people who didn’t put as much effort into the talk. This taught me that no deal is irreplaceable.
Most importantly though, those people were in a much better position than us, so they were not faking that they could cancel on her at any moment, they were actually always close to doing it, which made them more attractive than us.
On one night I had a call with an old mentor, I filled him in with what happened and he proceeded to spit shit for 30 mins straight about them and about how I should have seen it coming. ‘Those people are a bunch of maniacs with noses in the air, you have to learn their language before talking to them.’
05. You have to know what you want
Over and over I'd find that the most successful people know how to handle this so well. Yes, sometimes things change and it becomes difficult to maintain your position on your original plan - But that’s exactly why it’s needed. You can't lose track of what you want, for multiple reasons: 1. you move much faster when you got your priorities straight and 2. a solid conviction is often reflected on everything you do or say - Which means the lack of it often puts you at risk of getting played.
For long my stance was firm that my longer term goal with this business is to turn it into a lifestyle business, which means securing just enough cash in passive income to cover for my desired lifestyle, including everything. A 'lifestyle business' is not a new concept, in fact lots of people who did multi-million dollar exits claim that after a certain number, more money makes no difference, and that if they'd start all over, they'd do just enough to let them live free.
Some examples of this are:
- I’m rich and I have no idea what to do with my life
- The story of Rob Fitzpatrick
- The story of Tom Anderson (can’t find a link atm)
All of them are proof it’s never about the scale of success, and all about a good lifestyle, because success can be infinite.
Read: Startups are the new deferred life plan
Back to the point, for a vc like Antler, this is not the mindset they'd align with - They want you to be all in and go for the biggest version you could become. One of my biggest mistakes was always being on the fence - Between me and myself, I hadn’t quite decided whether I'd want to go for big, or go for just enough. This IS a mistake.
While a detail like this might seem non-important, the things you do and the way you approach problems are completely different depending on which path you choose. When you're building for scale, you prioritize systems and hiring; when you're building for lifestyle, you prioritize efficiency and autonomy.
Being unclear about your ultimate goal means you're constantly second-guessing every decision, which shows up in your pitch, your product roadmap, and ultimately your ability to convince others.
At one point one of the partners was asking me 'what number would you exit at' and I answered '$10-12 million' - Obviously these weren't the numbers they’re looking for. They're playing the long-term game with multiples of 10s in returns.
After some reflection I now know that, thrill aside, I shouldn't have joined at all unless I had finalized that decision.
06. Building a successful product is different from building a successful business
Those who care about craftsmanship tend to overemphasize on the details, user experience, and aesthetics - But when the dust settles, money doesn't care about the experience, just the sales. Lots of successful software companies don’t even care about aesthetics.
For long I have been trying to master and perfect the UX - Not because it makes us look cool, but because it's one of the most rewarding aspects of the job.
I deeply do care about how every little component of our software looks like, and how every user micro-interaction would feel. Admittedly, starting out, this took more time than it should.
07. When things don't work your way, the universe is trying to protect you
This is the type of thing you see everyone talking about until you experience it over enough time. When enough time has passed, you almost always get to ‘What happened was indeed the best scenario.’ The paradox is that you almost always can’t see it earlier.
08. Money is a sine wave, not a linear function
After I graduated, I thought that ‘more time means more money.’ I put off doing lots of things in my life on the hope that ‘if I could just wait a few more years, I’d definitely have way more money.’ That is not true.
To date, 2023 was my highest earning year, and 2024 was my lowest earning one. So I learned that money is definitely not following any linear path - Sometimes I’d run completely out of money, other times I’d be doing better than I expect.
No matter how ‘controlling’ you’d think you are over your expenses, it’s the most unexpected thing. For example, there are often some sudden events that burn big lump sums very quickly, and there are other times where you’d get big money out of thin air - Both unaccounted for.
If there’s a takeaway from this, it’s to never put off anything worth doing because you’re waiting for some certain number. Better treat money as a sine wave than a linear function.
09. You can't make good decisions when you're weak
Although I can't express how lucky I am to be surrounded by a supportive circle - And although this might not probably sound as 'potent' of a lesson, but, for long nights I have been battling my mind into what I can do and what I can not, in the most unhealthy ways.
On some nights it can get so lonely to the point I know there isn't probably anyone I could talk to that would get the magnitude of this.
On some nights I'd have to force myself to sleep knowing nothing is working and nothing seems to ever work. And whether this state of mind is right or wrong, on those nights there isn't much anyone might do or say that would change this narrative inside my mind - It was truly me versus me, so if there's someone in charge of this, it only has to be me.
Now this position is so tricky and i'll try to explain why in the most blunt way possible: When things are working in your favor, you get to experience two good outcomes: 1. good results, because of things working and 2. momentum, because of good results. That is to say, the transition between a win and another is often much smoother because of the momentum you get when things are working.
On the flip side, when things are not working, the real bad pain, especially in startups, is the loss of momentum - So it really feels like you are losing two times. Moreover, for weeks I felt a chicken-and-egg problem: You have to be mentally strong and overcome setbacks asap for better chances of winning YET sometimes you can't even seem to hold it together when it feels like you're losing. The result: The worse it gets, the harder it gets to come back, because both the effort needed and the stakes involved are now much higher 🔄
This state not only depleted my mental clarity, but also my money and body weight. Wrong decisions come at a cost, and the cost is much higher when you’re weak, because it leads to more wrong decisions - A vicious cycle that won’t break until you act quickly.
10. At some point you have to be delusional, almost out of touch with reality
Personally for me this is the biggest takeaway. No one you ever talk to can grasp your full story on one setting. You’re an entire fucking universe full of stories, scars, and dreams. THAT is the exact same reason why you can’t just take random advice from anyone.
Advice could be disastrous, lethal! Advice shouldn’t be random, and should only come from trusted sources; ones that know you well, and are ahead of you on your very path. This is the most important tip I’d give to anyone doing anything.
Bad advice at a wrong time could cost you a lot of time and money. An extremely sharp filter for advice should be your first line of defense when you’re talking to other people, especially older ones.
Today in tech, and because things are moving fast, age is no longer significant of any superiority other than some life experience and soft skills - Not resilience, not vision, not conviction, not agility, not confidence, and not innovation. All of these things you cannot learn from someone just because they’re older than you.
This builds the way for my original point: You have to believe in your story to the point that it doesn’t make any fucking sense to other people. This is the only way. If you asked any of those successful people you admire, there’s a 100% chance they also did it.
The real reason for this is: When you have this insane level of conviction, there isn’t probably anything anyone might do or say that could convince you otherwise. And even when you’re delusional AND wrong, you can course-correct through time, and through real first-hand experience, not because someone said so. This way when you get there, it’s all you, which in turn boasts your conviction even more. It’s indeed a core skill that everyone should attain and never drop.
11. Forbes lists are the devil of startups
Every game has its extremes. For startup founders in their 20s, status games are becoming almost entirely around 'Forbes 30u30' lists - It’s imposing a culture of theatrics. Moreover, it's becoming natural for those in this game to hold up to this standard as the only standard of success, which is extremely poisonous for young minds. You can build a successful business, do better than 90% of other people, get real rich real quick, with 0 theatrics. But modern media machines made it look like theatrics is the only way.
This model starts to collapse when you learn that those titles and lists are often bought with insane money. Regardless, most people who are just starting are still holding themselves to crazy expectations by having to achieve certain things by certain age. This alone could be the downfall of many successful startups. But no one talks about this stuff, because people on LinkedIn still glamorize headlines over substance. So most would naturally optimize for successful headlines, not for actual success.
What’s next
After Antler, and during the past 2 months, we reworked our plan to prioritize money from revenue rather than from funding - So far this is working, we managed to secure 3 new clients, and put a plan to get back to fundraising by end of this year.
Core products we’re working on are hyperspaces.live, the second brain app, and hyperloop.so, the infra for building AI assistants for SMBs. Over the next few months, I’m also planning to launch a tech-focused newsletter, called Interlinked. The newsletter will focus on tech and startup updates, and will be launched on substack. In the meantime, this substack will remain as my personal blog.
Thanks for reading!
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