Some thoughts

• draft notes
• get serious
• dont get serious
• work is a very important component of fulfillment and it’s worth trying to find work you love
• tripping, new things, new places
• list of things i’d be doing many years from now
• visual note-taking, optimizing pkm
• general dissatisfaction of things
• the number of things i want to do are far more than what i have time to
• In my mind, that could be okay for the next few years or so, but should it be okay after that? Should it be okay for the rest of my life? bk

Sometimes i do think that life is just a bunch of seasonal patterns that keep repeating themselves, like christmas season then winter season then ramadan season then summer then fall, etc.

I don't know if it's even permissible to feel this feeling, but if time repeats and looks mostly the same then there's really no point of anything, or at least at some point it could feel like so.

Unless there's some sort of a magic spice that could be added to the same patterns and then magically life experiences would feel novel again? Idk.

I think there should exist more than one type of spice – for example sometimes I read a book and my whole outlook on life would change for a little while – in a good way. So in this scenario a good book is good spice.

Now it could be that most of what just “makes sense” in life is just the pursuit and the experience of these spices, and I could be wrong, but spices don’t have to be anything specific, but just about the right amount of anything that is both not detrimental to the progress of things and at the same time makes you feel anew.

You might have realized that fun is always in the memory of things. At times when you’re really having fun you have no clue that you do, it’s just in hindsight do you realize “well that was fun”. So right then it has to be unexpected, unhinged.

So this makes me think, if most moments that were really fun were not planned for, then maybe planning is detrimental to fun.

I recently saw a video of someone discussing that most of what makes us feel alive is really just basic stuff, places, fruits, music, and memories

I feel like i am becoming most things i always liked to become yet i still don't enjoy most of it as much as i enjoy an early morning coffee or a late night drive

– Something has to be off about “dreaming” – Either we were programmed to dream wrong, or growing up we slowly unlearned what it means to have

negative negative → affirmative

It’s crazy to imagine how much of making good decisions is just avoiding bad decisions

Crazy to imagine how many things do work just by eliminating things that don’t

Exactly like when you’re on the road, “speeding up” doesn’t necessarily ensure speed, much of “not slowing down” is just actively noticing & switching to lanes with least resistance.

Sometimes, I get praise from some people, but at the same time, I feel I don't know anything about anything. Sometimes, I feel praise is very harmful because it almost always is due to one small aspect of me or my work. That revealing the whole thing probably wouldn't result in any form of praise.

I've been running experiments for the past 3 years or so, and that, to me, is probably more acceptable than walking down a sidelane of a safe job. but this results in the most unexpected outcomes, from a financial point of view, and from a psychological point of view. for example, 2023 was my highest earning year, 2024 is on the way to be my lowest earning year, and i have to daily put on a face that both outcomes are probably fine.

curiosities, people, software

so many things in parallel, can't drop one, slow in all

on a sample day i probably want to: do some focus work for 4-5 hours do 2-3 meetings meet a friend get a workout done continue reading a book eat 3500 calories write some thoughts

i probably wouldn't dive into why exactly this isn't easy because it's obvious. but, i would say that one of my biggest problems is that i tend to think that an ideal day like this is very possible when in practice it might only happen twice per month. my problem is that i take cover behind the fact that "i know what i need to do", but i seldom do it. mainly because this needs intense undivided focus.

many people with status whose bodies look like shit, many good looking bodybuilders who are nobodies. very few get both right. i can't say i resonate with any of the three. maybe it's a matter of time, maybe it'd never happen, and maybe real wealth is in the pursuit of becoming both. but either way it's so hard to know, many times my perception of myself would be changing so fast like a pendulum. this feeling is not easy to have, and definitely not easy to describe.

but what i do realize is most people don't even think of it. and this is not to say that im better just because im aware of it, because it could very well be the case that being ignorant of where you stand regarding these things is an absolute bliss, and guys like me could probably be out in the wild looking after things that happen to be just vanity metrics in the eyes of other guys that are real deals. nobody knows, really.

i sit with my bodybuilder friend for 10 minutes and feel like im not doing enough. i sit with my founder friend for 10 minutes and i feel like im not doing enough. i seldom sit with either and think of having what the other one is having. because for a brief moment, i get fully convinced that at least they know what they want, what they need to prioritize, and that in itself makes each of them better than me.

every year i strive to optimize for all types of wealth in parallel, never have i ever prioritized one form over the others for an entire year for example, even as a form of experiment. this was not by choice. i didn't have it in me to do it, i always thought I'd like to have a little bit of everything. today im questioning if this is even the right approach. because the way i liked to think about this, is that "it will take more time but we're eventually going to get there". im sure many of those reading this would sort of feel something similar. with time, this approach mostly lead to many wasted times and experiences. unfortunately there isn't any other ways than time to tell which was worth it. in previous posts i talked about perks of being multi-dimensional, partly because i saw people that "made it" talk about it. but today i get to discuss the downsides as well. most of these people talk from a perspective of an investor who already reached the peak of their intended careers, but I'm now not sure if this should be the case for someone like me.

"most life advice is garbage"

i also contemplate about this stuff and through my own lens because most advice is garbage. time and again i would find that there isn't probably anyone anywhere that would give me an advice on work or life that i will probably stick with. this feeling made me always on the lookout. never satisfied with whatever, because all are just "best efforts". all advice, at best, is just guesses.

ambition with no results darkest before the dawn

this is the third time i write this post. i wrote it in 2021 - unpublished i wrote it in 2023 - link

fact #1: if i stopped believing then everything stops, dead right now fact #2: if i kept believing then maybe this proceeds to be so great, even one of the greatest things, but i have to push against the current for longer than I might expect